a brooding girl

I am not ready for parenthood, by any means. Even as a kid, I didn't know if I wanted them, and if I did eventually want kids, I'd be at least 30. So far, I'm doing, fine, right on schedule. One thing I know is that being patient is one of my shortcomings. And to be a parent, I think that patience is essential.

But my niece is coming over to spend the night. She's adorable, blonde haired and blue eyed. She was my flower girl, and loves her "Aunt Alli." The trouble is, I'm so self involved that it's so hard for me to give her the patience and attention she deserves. She is the smallest of 5, raised by a sometimes single mom. I love her mom to death, she's my husbands sister, and she's hilarious. Anyway, I'm anticipating her arrival, I want to give this kid a fun girl's night... I really do.

The easiest way for me to do that is to take my medications as directed, and control the physical pain and the depression I'm in today...I've been to the Chiro today, and had a deep tissue massage and some other PT. But I'm hurting, and grouchy and don't know if I have it in me to give my niece the best. So I'm a little worried about that. She'll be here in about half an hour, and will stay a full 24 hours. I'm hoping I can handle it. I have a little sister, who's back in Canada that is 13. She's a cool kid, has a lot of spunk in her. But I have missed a lot of her life, because I left for college right after high school and didn't look back. I've spent some time with my niece and she's very sweet, but I'm scared of my mood affecting her stay. How do I forget about myself for a while and just get into kid mode? I guess that's my goal for today. Have fun with this precious little girl, and give her a fun memory...