This year, it just didn't seem like "New Year's." Normally we have a big plans, or a party to go to. This year was so quiet. We hung out with our friends, Chad and Linds, who are expecting a baby girl in March. We went out to eat, and then we went bowling ( I couldn't bowl, my shoulder wouldn't allow it, so I took over the jukebox.) Finally, we went back to Chad and Lindsey's house, and played board games with some other people. All of a sudden it was like, Oh, it's 11:59, uhhh everyone get their champagne, and it was over... It was sort of anticlimactic. Time seems to go by faster the older you get... And I'm not that old.



My niece's sleepover went great! I was pretty proud of myself, because we had a great time.This is us Friday night. I bought her her first scrapbook, and we started on that. We played Candyland, and fell asleep watching a Hillary Duff movie. She was in heaven, and I don't feel quite so ill equipped to deal with kids. I'm going to have her over more often, it's good for my soul and hers:) All of our friends are starting families. Aaron (my husband) and I are nowhere near ready, and it sort of freaks me out that all of my girlfriends are having babies. Some are planned, some not. But still, I'm going to be an old mom in comparison. I know it's the right decision for us to wait to be parents, it's just so surreal to see all of my friends with bulging bellies.

Aaron took our nephews to go see King Kong today, so I'm looking forward to curling up with a good book, and watching a girl movie. I feel like I've been on the go so much, that today, I'm gonna let myself be lazy, because I don't give myself that luxury enough. It's funny though, my mom used to constantly call me lazy as a kid all the time, but now, even if I'm aching, I will still clean my house and get done what needs to be done. Aaron has to constantly remind me to be careful that I don't over do it and hurt myself. Not today:)

My mom, god what a subject that is. Unfortunately, we don't have a great relationship. We've never been close, but we go through bouts of fighting even now, with her 2000 miles away. It's sad, really. She didn't have a good relationship with her mom, nor did my grandma with her mom- there's definitely a pattern in my family. I would like to break the cycle. Part of the reason I'm scared shitless of having kids, is because I don't want to fuck them up. I'm not blaming my mom for my problems, but I will say that I didn't grow up in a happy household. My mom has had to face some tragedies in her life, but she has always been angry or sad or hostile. She feels like a victim... I don't know that she ever truly got over them. She is not speaking to any of the family right now, including me, because she feels like we're all out to get her. Honestly, I think she'd get good use out of a psychologist. Depression runs in my family on my dad's side, but dealing with it myself, and watching my mom as I grew up ( she and my father have been divorced since I was 3) leads me to believe that she suffers from it too. Anyway this is far deeper than I planned on going, so I'm going to go grab my book and curl up with my cat. Happy New Year. I hope 2006 brings happiness and health to all of us out there...