morning philosophy

I was watching my morning news in my cozy bed earlier, and I learned about the mine disaster in West Virginia. There was an explosion on Monday, and it was thought that 12 out of 13 miners were alive. Last night, the families of the miners found out that they had received wrong information. 12 out the 13 miners were dead. Talk about a rollercoaster. My heart goes out to those who lost loved ones. I have never lost a loved one, I guess that makes me lucky. Aaron lost his mother when he was 20- she had a chronic rare disease that slowly killed her over the course of 10 years. My mom lost her father, and her first fiance. I am very scared of the idea of facing death, not just my own, but those I love as well. I can't even imagine what it is like to watch someone get sick and die, or have a terrible accident and suddenly be gone. None of us are immune, that is the cycle of life, and at some point I'll be dealing with death.

I don't follow any type of religion. I grew up Catholic, and then married a Jehovah's Witness when I was 20. I got re 'baptized' as a JW when I was 21. By the time I was 22, I was out the door of the religion and the marriage. Most people know JW's as the ones who come knocking on your door on a Saturday morning, and who don't celebrate holidays or birthdays. All of this is true, but the belief system beyond that is something else. JW's believe that only 144000 people actually get to heaven(special JW folks who are 'anointed with holy spirit') and that they are the true religion. They believe that those who follow Jehovah (just another name for God) will survive Armageddon, and live forever in paradise on earth. They don't believe in hellfire, they teach that when you die, that's it, unless you get resurrected after Armageddon(it's really very involved as you can see.) They believe the world is in it's 'last days,' and soon the good and the bad will be judged by God. Unless you're a JW, they think you will die (at least there's no eternal torture in their beliefs.) They don't celebrate holidays, because they consider them pagan in origin. (I've done a lot of research since getting out of the JW religion and everything has some pagan origin, the JW's pick and choose; for example wedding rings are pagan, as is a white wedding dress, but those rituals are allowed. But no confetti or throwing rice at weddings because they are pagan.) Pagan has such a negative connotation to it, but I don't think it deserves the bad rap. It's a part of history, a part of culture, even today.

Anyway, I digress. I am not religious. I love religious history however, and have spent hours reading. I just don't buy into the dogma anymore, I guess. I would say I am spiritual, but that word is so over used. So I guess I'm agnostic. I don't know what's out there, or who if anyone, created us and the rest of the cosmos. I'm intrigued by astrology, my horoscopes tend to be very accurate. On a trip to Chicago, after my husband and I got married, I went to a psychic, mostly out of curiosity, and had her read my tarot cards. She was dead on. She nailed my personality, the changes and struggles I'm going through. She also saw an impending illness in a family member. I found out later that week that my niece from Canada had been rushed to the hospital, and was in a coma. They aren't sure what is wrong with her, she got out of the coma, and now they think she is having silent seizures, or she may have a low grade tumor. She has been back and forth to hospitals for all sorts of tests, and goes in for more tests and an MRI on the 9th.

It was just the other day, as I was fooling around on some horoscope page, that I remembered the psychic's reading. Maybe they are really good at reading people. Maybe they are scam artists. But something about the stars and psychics really intrigue me. My sister in law (who is very Christian) gets premonitions. It's the most bizarre thing. It usually comes in a dream. I've seen her premonitions come true.

If there is a creator out there, my one question to him would be "what is this life all about?" I don't buy the Adam and Eve story. I think the Bible is a historic book, obviously, but logically I don't think original sin is why I'm here today and will die one day. Is there really a battle between God and Satan, as Christians suggest? Or is the battle inside ourselves, between our good and our bad? I hope that I have a long life ahead of me, because I want to learn as much as I can. I want to find my purpose in this world.

Then again, don't we all??