Family Feud

I am beyond agitated... If I had to guess, I would say that Aaron is probably irritated as well, although I know he's not obsessing over it the way I am. Our morning was a fucking trainwreck... If I tried to explain the trickle down of events it would take me hours, but it suffices to say that we did not say good-bye on the best of terms. Tonight we are supposed to go see Jim Gaffigan perform with two other couples, and the last thing I want to do is pretend everything is fine when it's not, or go and be miserable.

I hate fighting. I hate the anger that wells up inside of me when I can't express myself or understand why Aaron is behaving a certain way. Usually, I'll just take blame for everything that goes wrong, and today when I didn't, things got unpleasant in a hurry. I don't know who's right and who's wrong, and I don't even care. The issues themselves are small ones. It's the way we can be downright vicious and childish towards one another without any warning. It hasn't happened in a while, and it caught me completely off guard. Now, I'm a jumbled mess of confused emotions.

Honestly, I think my husband has been keeping his frusterations and stresses from me and he just snapped this morning. I hope that we can reach a point in our relationship where he doesn't always treat me like a china doll about to break. I hope that at some point, I can listen to him be upset and not feel the overwhelming need to defend myself...

I wonder if we would have fought had we made it to our counseling session yesterday???