Clearly Confused

I’ve been reading over my blog from the beginning. It’s pretty heavy stuff. I see cycles over and over; I’m constantly in a state of flux- either fighting for change or stuck in misery. All so black and white.

Sometimes I wonder if I should continue publishing this on the web. I mean, I need to write; it’s a huge outlet for me. But I’ve been so candid, and I wonder, is it too much? It’s not like I have lots of people reading this- it’s more for personal use than anything else. But I’m fighting intense feelings of guilt and shame, so when I read some of my emotional baggage, it just makes me shake my head.

I am my harshest critic. And while I can say that I’m thinking more clearly than ever, my emotions are still fragile. When my emotions are fragile, my logical thinking skills tend to suffer. Often, without me realizing it until after the flood of feelings has run it’s stormy course.
I guess I just don’t know if I want to document any more of the same bullshit. Maybe it’s time to stop writing about the demons every time they come up… Or maybe now more than ever, I need to keep doing this for myself. Again, I just don’t know.