The Next Step

I woke up yesterday morning with a flare up in pain. The car ride of 7 hours to INS did me in, and I have been so sore for the past two days. Tomorrow I leave to take my insurance class, and I'll be away from home for almost a week. I am a little nervous about my pain levels now, since I'll be sitting for 8 hours a day. All I can do is get through it the best way I know how: try to stay calm, bring all my home therapy stuff with me, and take my medication. If I stress, it will only aggravate the pain.

I went out for Cinco de Mayo last night, but left by 10:30. I really wanted to stay and party with the girls, but my body was so sore, and the place was packed, so I came home. At least I was out for a while. I'm realizing more and more that taking 'baby steps' is a good thing. I can't change everything all at once. Usually, that's what throws me into a tizzy- I look at the big picture as one huge obstacle instead of taking one step at a time.

My coping mechanisms definitely need work. Looking back, I see that I didn't learn effective ways to deal with life's obstacles. So, I'm trying to 'deprogram' the habits that I have and acquire new, productive ways of coping with the ups and downs of life. It feels downright impossible sometimes, because I let my emotions control my thoughts. No one ever said it was going to be easy to change my life, but I know deep down, despite the tears and the panic, that I'm doing the right thing. I'm challenging myself to be that person I want to be, instead of just living in regret and fear.

Carpe Diem.