Panic

Life has not been going according to plan... I was supposed to have a nerve block done yesterday, but found out Monday that it wasn't going to be covered by my insurance. Thankfully, my doctor's assistant found a center that was covered, and I'll be going in next Tuesday instead. I don't even want to get into the 'what if's' that are circling around in my head. I can't entertain those worries. I need to keep a positive attitude, and know that if this doesn't help, something else will.

My sister in law got in a car accident, and had no insurance at the time. For the last two days, I've been chauffering her around, and I am exhausted. She's a single mom, and is lost without a vehicle, so I felt the need to step in and help her get an attorney, run errands, take her kids to school, etc. I am glad I could help, but I'm so sore and tired from running non stop for 2 days. How am I going to function in the real world???

Work has been rough on Aaron- the money just isn't coming in like it used to. With me unemployed, we're digging into my savings because there's simply not enough money to pay the bills. We're still learning how to properly budget money, owning a home is far more expensive than renting. I have to go back to work, as soon as possible. We can't keep draining my account.

I am starting my insurance class on May 8th. It's only a week, but it's 40 hours of classroom time. I still have to finish reading the damn book, and I've been putting it off because it's boring, and I'm a chronic procrastinator. Now,the pressure is on. I'm so worried about this whole thing. I don't know how my body is going to respond to sitting in a classroom, when it's not used to that atmosphere anymore. It hurts to sit and write on the computer, or when I'm writing in my journal....But, I am going to have to tough it out, even if I am in pain, and concentrate on the material. Ideally, I'll get through the course, and pass the test before we go to Mexico. That way, as soon as I return home, I've got a job. I'm worried about passing the exam- it's been seven years since I was in college. Panic is setting in. Again, I have to keep the 'what if's' at bay. It's so hard for me to just focus and not worry.

I'm no dummy. I'm an intelligent woman, and I need to stop doubting myself and my abilities. I'm just afraid of failing.