Monday Blues

I'm back at work for another week. But, work is the furthest thing from my mind.

I said that I had learned a lesson or two last week. Well, it appears that I am on everybody's shit list, because I failed to heed my own instincts, and let some information slip that I shouldn't have during my girl's night out, when confronted about someone's relationship. It snowballed, and now, I look like an ass. I'm usually the girl who hangs out with the guys and avoids the drama. I don't do gossip. I've seen the effects first hand, and it's never pretty.

I can't even get into specifics, but it suffices to say that once again, my guard is up. In fact, I'm rebuilding all of my walls, because the one time I ignore my instincts, and let my guard down, I look like the troublemaker, without ever intending to. It's a good thing I don't believe in hell, because good intentions pave the road. Maybe I'm throwing the baby out with the bath water, but the simple truth is that I'm not good with friendly relationships. Maybe isolating myself isn't the greatest idea, but for now, I don't know what else to do. It seems to be an all or nothing kind of thing for me. I talked about it at length with my counselor, and because he has an objective view of the situation, he tried to remind me that I'm only human, and not to be so hard on myself. He thought it was an honest mistake, but that I just need to remember my instincts are there for a reason.

I'm sad, in many ways. I've given up my job, and feel like a quitter. I let everyone here down, even though I know it's not the right fit for me. I have the back up position, which is what I've been wanting to do, but even that may be in jeopardy. How do I mess things up so badly, when all I want to do is succeed?