Keep on truckin'

I woke up this morning with spinal pain so severe, I could hardly move my neck. My concerned husband wanted to take me to the hospital, because I was crying due to the incredible discomfort. I didn't want to go sit in an ER waiting room so that they could give me a shot, and send me away. I had a specialist appointment this afternoon, so I just toughed it out by laying on ice and lidocaine. I couldn't even wash my hair, so Aaron lovingly lathered me up and gently washed me as if I were his child.

On the way to my appointment, we were on the phone, going over the checklist of things that needed to be addressed, and just before I turned into the parking lot, a can of juice that was between my legs fell and ran down the back of my pants. It looked like I had pissed myself. The irony of it all? Just last night I had taken a pair of jeans out of my car because I didn't think I needed them. So I had to walk in to the doctor's with a sticky wet ass. I heard a few snickers as I ducked into the ladies room to try and dry off. Mortified would be a good way to describe how I felt.

My pain specialist swore that we weren't out of options in previous visits; there was more to try. Today, without warning, he threw his hands up, increased my painkiller dosage and talked about a referal to the Cleveland Clinic, and something called Prolotherapy, which is a very expensive, experimental procedure. Needless to say, I left his office in a worse state than when I entered. Upon hearing what happened, Aaron took matters into his own hands and called up the specialist himself, demanding to know why there was a sudden change of heart. I'm still waiting to hear the answers.

I am trying not to let this get the best of me, but the truth is, I want to lay in a dark room, curl up into the fetal position and cry for days. What kind of life is this? When will it get better? I'm thankful for the good days, and have learned not to take them for granted, but I miss so many things that I did used to take for granted- like being able to run 6 miles or ride a rollercoaster... Living in the past does no good, but feeling like a prisoner to pain is even worse. Obviously, some major changes are happening in my life right now, and all I can do is go with the flow, and learn from the experiences. It's all trite and cliche, but it's never been more true. At the end of the day, when you strip it all away, the ultimate lessons are still the same.