Time Marches On

Life has been fairly quiet and uneventful since my little sister went home. Work is a mess- the VP just got axed, and now, there's some 'restructuring' going on... I'm going to be sitting on my ass at home for another couple of weeks. If, in a month, I find out that this company just isn't cutting it, it's going to be time to start looking for a job, old school style. Which means, time to update my resume. Since I haven't held a 'real' (read: legal) job in 5 years, I'm going to have to really spice it up. Obviously, I'll leave out my stint as a stripper. (Although, really, that job prepares you for anything!!) But, I did run a little cleaning business for awhile, so if I can think of a description better than housekeeper, it might look a little more professional. Otherwise, I have great work experience, it's just that I've been absent for some time. My two weeks at the sweatshop don't count.

Now that it's getting close to fall, we've got renovations on the brain. Aaron is currently framing his dream basement, and we're looking at carpet samples for the upstairs. By Christmas, our house will be even closer to the way we imagined when we bought it a year ago.

I've still been pretty isolated. My sister was a huge relief from the drama that is still haunting me from a month ago. But now that she's gone, I'm back to mostly hanging solo. Things are just different now. It's hard, but I'm trying to meet new people, albeit a little slowly. That's one reason I love the internet. I can meet folks that are in the area, but completely out of the clique my husband is a part of. One of the hardest things for me is keeping friendships. I have big time trust issues, and don't do the usual bar scene that most people do around here. When I'm hurting, I isolate myself, and most people don't get that at all. I'm the first to admit it's counter productive, but it's what I know how to do best. I think I learned it from my mom. Another habit on the 'to break' list. My counselor thinks I should get into a creative writing class, because it would serve a dual purpose. I could meet some new people, and develop my skills as a wannabe writer. I'm inclined to agree.

I wish I could stop obsessing about the whole incident that has me tied up in knots, but it still stings me to the bone. I'm angry because I was tricked and used as a scapegoat. I'm hurt because it affected a close friendship that had nothing to do with the issues that arose. While I know some people are just not worth my tears, I am so sad to see what looks like, the beginning of the end of a friendship that I treasured. I'm the only one who has accepted any sort of responsibility for what happened that infamous girl's night... And so by default, I took all of the blame. I was just trying to be a good friend, and it bit me in the ass.

Ok, enough about that. All I can do is move forward. I've been through things worse than this.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I'm movin on



Of course, I can't forget that the VMA's are on tonight, which will provide me with all the entertainment I could ask for. What's better than seeing beautiful celebrities and then comparing them to yourself? That's healthy, right? *Smile* I just want to make fun of bad outfits and see Jessica Simpson attempt to sing. It'll make my night:)

'I'm Movin' On' by Rascal Flatts