Pity Party for Alli

I haven't been sleeping since my pain doc took me off of an antidepressant that helped with sleep(due to shrink's orders-he thought the side effects I was complaining of were due to this specific a/d .) Since my pyschiatrist is now responsible for all of my pyschotropic drugs, I called his office to see what I should do about it...

The first thing I was told, was go back on it... I thought that was illogical, so I said, no, HE originally said to get off of it. So what does the shrink do- sticks me with another antidepressant for sleep. So I am on 3 antidepressants now, as well as the pain medicine. When I looked up drug interactions on the web, everything I could find said that taking those 3 antidepressants combined could carry serious risks...

I am TIRED of popping pills. 3 antidepressants for crying out loud! 2 types of painkillers?! And what do you know- I'm still a lunatic. I thought I was making the right choice by seeing a shrink, and all he has done is fucked with my medication- turning me into even more of a basketcase than I already was. I'm the smallest I've been since 10th grade(and I'm not a big girl). None of my clothes fit, everything is too big. The doctors blame it on stress... I've been stressed out a lot in my life, and I've never shrunk up the way I have this time.

To top it off, I learned that if my MRI's are authorized, I will have a $200 co pay, due at the time of service. But, I don't even know if Cigna will approve them. More financial stress, and once again, it's thanks to Alli's injury. I have to get through this- all of it. I'm just so lost as to how...

I've been up since 3 am this morning. We have 2 sick cats that won't get along, and now Aaron and I are getting sick. It's times like these that I wonder, what exactly, is the purpose of my life? What good can I do for anyone when I'm stuck at home; sick, depressed, worried, in pain and unemployed? What lesson am I supposed to be learning here?