Troubling Tuesday

When it rains, it pours, doesn't it? I've quit my cleaning jobs, and now Aaron's dad needs surgery. They work together, and his dad will be out of commission for a while- which is bad enough in itself. He beat colon cancer 5 years ago, but now has an infection that his doctors can't get rid of. So we're worried about his health, and now, even more, about money. Aaron's paychecks will not be the same without his dad in the office. He and his father work together on most things, so it's going to be a struggle to make ends meet. Aaron lost his mom to a chronic illness 10 years ago, and seeing his dad get sick again is only adding to his worries about being healthy, aging, and life in general. It doesn't help that he sees me in pain every day.

He's just left for work, and I feel like crying. I feel like I should ignore doctor's orders and keep working, just to give Aaron some piece of mind. When he is stressed, not much can bring him out of it. The tension in the air becomes thick, and little things can cause stupid squabbles. I need to be strong, and I'm doubting my capability. I feel like by marrying me, he only added stress to his life. I'm sure this will pass, and we'll get through it, but actually being in it right now is so hard. I make 2 steps forward, and then somehow, regress back 5 steps. Life can be unpredictable, but why do all the variables come to fruition at the same time?? How do I be a strong supportive wife, when I feel so weak inside? How do I shut off the voices inside that are causing me to panic about everything? I finally felt like things were moving in the right direction, and now, I can feel my spirits quickly falling. What do I do?

Fake it, fake it, fake it....