losing it

I have had it; absolutely had it with my chiropractor. Not only have I not improved, but now he wants to go in a whole new direction, which will cost me more- substantially more. He tells me it's all my insurance company's fault, I should blame them. So I'm stuck on what to do. Do I listen to my gut and leave his care, and hope that my pain mgmt doctor can get botox approved? Do I keep going, and stick with the same plan that isn't working? I can't afford to pay what this new plan will cost- I pay a minimum of $100 a week, and if I do what he wants, it will more than double. My husband tells me that I worry about it too much. Maybe I do, but for crying out loud, I'm in pain every goddamn day, and nothing is working. It's been almost 3 years! How can I not worry? I know that constant worrying is not helping me heal. But I get so frustrated, and feel so alone in all of this sometimes. I know things could be worse, but they could be better too. I'm tired of living on pain medicine. I'm tired of endless headaches. I'm tired of throwing money away on procedures that haven't worked. I'm tired of being bitchy and short with my husband because I don't feel well. I'm tired of waking up every morning and feeling the same burning pain. I'm tired of worrying about everything. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I don't know what the right decision is. Thank god I've finally reached out for counseling, hopefully I can learn new ways to cope. Because at this moment, I want to numb everything, by any means necessary.