Walk the Line

It just came out today on dvd, and I've been eager to see the film. It was a long one though, and I knew I couldn't sit through it all in the theatre. I went to the video store this morning so I would be assured a copy. Did I mention that I am a complete movie buff? Joaquin Phoenix is one of my favorite actors, and with all the accolades bestowed on Reese Witherspoon, I had high expectations. I wasn't disappointed. I loved the movie. The story was about addiction, destruction, triumph, and good old fashioned love. For me, that's as good as it gets. Plus, I grew up listening to country music. My dad and I used to listen to Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash and Waylon Jennings when I was a little girl. I had no idea the intensity behind the music then...

My last Tai Chi classes are this week, and I've decided to continue on. I can't begin to describe how good it feels to find something that I love, that puts me at peace, and that I haven't quit. I don't have the best record when it comes to sticking with things. My mom used to get so frustrated with me. She put me in every extra curricular activity you can think of; ballet, jazz, pottery, drawing, swimming, gymnastics, 4-H. I didn't continue with anything. She always called me a quitter for it, but honestly, looking back, I was just too afraid to come out of my shell. I felt clumsy in dance classes, and frightened in sports. Socially, I wasn't the most outgoing kid, and the classes were just more time spent feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

In so many ways, I feel almost stunted... A late bloomer would be a more gentle way to put it. I was so unprepared for the world when I left home, and I didn't make good choices as a result. I had the emotional maturity of a 15 year old when I was in college. I'm still struggling to 'grow up' in certain ways. Everyone I know is either pregnant or has a fledgling career, and I feel like the loser of the bunch because I'm unemployed and struggling to find happiness and meaning. The grass is always greener, I know, but really, I want so much more out of life than I'm getting.

Whew, I went on a little tangent there. Hang in there Alli, things will come around...