There's a thin line...

Aaron and I leave for Tampa on Monday. I feel slightly guilty that he has to go and work while I'll be sunning myself in 80 degree weather. But, I guess that's a perk of being married to a broker. I feel very fortunate.

I saw a new shrink on Tuesday... Counselors don't deal with medications, and my therapists both thought that it would be a good idea to meet with a new psychiatrist. I was pleasantly surprised at how easy to talk to this doctor was. Most shrinks just throw a prescription at you, and 15 minutes later, you're out of the office. Not the case this time. I had to go over my history, again...And of course, the Borderline thing came up. How could it not? He did prescribe an older antidepressant to help with sleep, but that was it.

I've had a good, fairly productive week. My state of mind has been where it should be- in the moment, willing to change. I get a little afraid when I'm on the upswing, because in the past, it's always been followed by a crash in emotions. Something feels different this time. I know the patterns, and now, I'm beginning to learn tools to reprogram the detrimental habits. Basically, I'm going to school to learn how to cope emotionally. That's the way I look at it. And it's ok. I didn't learn to cope- so what? It doesn't mean I have to live in the past forever. It's all about mindfullness. Awareness. Acceptance. Practice.

One thing that is a battle is my weight. I am still under 105 lbs, and while I know logically, I should gain a little bit of weight, I LOVE how thin I am. It makes me feel sexy. But I'm no idiot, and I don't want to end up needing a feeding tube. The bottom line is that I need to force more food down... Especially now that I'm getting to be more active.