Back

After a long absence, I'm back... Life still continues to run it's fiery course, and I continue to try and figure out what I want, what I need, and who I am.

Big updates- Cervical fusion with a diskectomy is being seriously considered. I have been off the pain meds nearly 5 months, and the pain is no better. I am currently dealing with a flare up from hell, using good old ibuprofen and ice. I've been pretty immobilized, which is so frustrating. I try not to let the pain control me to the level it once did, but it wears on me. There are no great surgeons here in small town Indiana, so we are going to Indianpolis to talk to some specialists and get their opinions. I have my last epidural on Friday morning, which will mean a painful weekend, but I can't imagine it will be any worse than what I feel now.

Aaron and I continue to go up and down. So much of it is because of me, and this need I have for independence. We've had some bad fights, but we've also learned some important things about ourselves and each other. We took a break from counseling, but are going back...

I still see my therapist often. She is able to help ground me, and not get so caught up in the big, scary picture. She also sees the light in my eyes that others do... and she's helping me see it within myself.

I'm dreaming big. Writing like a fiend. Starting to submit some of my poetry and writing to online mags and communities. The only way to write is to WRITE, so I've been consuming myself with that.

And I continue on this painful, joyful, heartbreaking, breathtaking journey.