A Woman on a Mission

This is my refuge, my cathartic release... It's not glitzy or glamorous, but it's ME.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Snoozefest

I always feel so out of the loop when our internet goes down. I hate Verizon.

Anyway, life continues on out here in small town. We're gearing up for a 4th of July weekend at the lake. I'm not that thrilled about it, but I ordered a new suit from Victoria's Secret, so if it comes, at least I'll have something to show off. I used to love going out to the lake for the weekend, but now, feeling like a cripple and not being able to make it up late and out with everyone, I feel really left out.

I've decided to go ahead with a 4 level rhizotomy, and let them burn the nerves off. I got about 3 days of relief from my injections, and that's considered enough to warrant this procedure. Hopefully, that will provide some extended relief and I can get some of my life back. There are some other injections like Botox, I'm considering for other areas that won't be helped by the rhizotomy. I'm waiting to hear back from the nurse to find out when I can go in.

Unfortunately, I'm still waiting to work. I need some additional training, which doesn't take place until mid month, and then I'll be going out on enrollments and learning the process of advising people on their health benefits. I'm a great advertisement as to why one would need disability or additional insurance- I didn't have anything, I got a settlement lower than I deserved, and I'm still racking up doctor bills. Insurance would have eliminated a lot of debt and the workload I was forced to take on for two years. That and my sex appeal should make me a great poster child for health benefits, lol.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

A few pictures

Taken from the plane.





I couldn't help it, a cheesy, but happy self portrait from our balcony, the moment we arrived.

Chillin' by the pool.

Rainy, wet, and mystified at Talum

Antother view from our hotel



I tried to download more, but I'll just get an album made and post it when I can devote more time to sitting at a desk. It was so amazing... Put the travel bug in me. I can't wait for Fantasy Fest in the Keys in October!







Weekly Wrap Up

Already, I miss the sound of the ocean crashing on to the beach and the birds singing their foreign tunes. I miss waking up in paradise, although I'm happy to be home.

It sounds so cliche, but it's funny how fast time flies. We've been back from Mexico since Tuesday, and life has not slowed down one bit. Need a vacation from their vacation anyone? Aaron fought Montezuma's Revenge while we were down there, and ended up getting really ill from eating something he shouldn't have. The day we left, the poor boy was hanging his head over the toilet, grimacing in pain. He also managed to catch a cold of some sort, and is suffering from that too. He went into the doctor as soon as we got home, and was promptly put on antibiotics and some other meds. What a way to end our honeymoon. I feel so sorry for my love, to see him so physically weak and out of sorts...

Speaking of weaknesses, I went in for a 4-level facet block injection yesterdy morning. If I get so much as a day of relief, I've decided to burn off the nerves affected and injected, which should considerably help my pain for the next year, and hopefully give my body a chance to heal. So far, I can tell a difference to a small degree, but the sites of injection are sore and swollen, so I won't have a good idea until tommorow at the earliest. We, (that being the docs, myself, and hubby) think that my C6-C7 disks are likely responsible for the arm and lower shoulder pain I get... And surgery can be the answer. But I don't feel like it's warranting that yet, if it's only my arm and my shoulder... I think I can live with that for now. It's the constant headaches and muscle spasms that get me the worst. So, hopefully I'll see some good results from this procedure, and can get in for a rhizotomy. Then it's back to work, and hopefully, back to a little more play.

...Which leads me back to Mexico, and our trip...

We arrived Tuesday at noon. I was so excited! Flying in over the gulf and getting to see this little pennisula we'd be living on for the next week was really cool for me. Immediately upon landing, as we walked to claim our luggage, Aaron pointed out the musty smell in the air.

"Do you smell that? That's Mexico. It's a smell you'll never forget..."

I asked "why?"

He replied, "because it's everywhere. I think it's probably from the ocean, the humidity and the fact that we're in a 3rd world tropical country."

He was correct. The smell lingers still, on some of our luggage, and the cheesy shorts and skirts emblazed with CANCUN that I bought, which I can't yet bring myself to wash. Already, the smell makes me nostaligic and takes me back to the ocean view hotel suite we had, or the busy hotel strip, where thousands of freshly graduated high school seniors partied the week away.

The first day, we spent in awe of the resort, laying by the pool, sipping on tropical drinks and Coronas. The heat was perfect- I absolutely fell in love with 95 degree weather and the humidity. I spent most of our first couple of days in the sun, trying to get a 'real' tan. I had to go up to the room to rest almost every day, but I didn't mind. I had all of my supplies with me, and even an ice bag to bring with me to the pool. The resort was breathtaking. It had the feel of a palace (which is probably why it was so aptly named, the Riu Palace Las Americas ) with columns and statues everywhere. There was a spa, where I got a french pedicure, and by the end my feet were so soft, I didn't want to walk on them and callus them up. It was far more relaxing than the asian owned salons here in Indiana that scrub your feet raw. A soft spoken mexican woman treated my feet as if they belonged to a princess...

The restaurants were works of art in their own right. Each had a theme- Italian, Mexican, Brazilian, Japanese (which I think, was where Aaron made his folly by eating thier raw sushi) and English. Some looked out over the ocean, and there was a buffet that opened up over the water... Each pool was surrounded by gazebos and appeared to simply flow into the ocean. The tile work throughout was so extravagent and perfectly laid. One pool had a swim up bar, a favorite of Aaron's. He loves the water, whereas I am a sun bunny. Ironically, he got ten times darker than I did while we were down there. BUT- he's peeling and I'm not, so ha ha. Who got the better tan now? :)

By Thursday, we were ready to explore, so we boarded a tour bus to Talum (part of the ancient Mayan ruins) and later, Xel-Ha. There was an accident on the so called 'highway' and our trip down took 3 hours instead of and hour and a half. Once we got to Talum, the skies opened up, and pummelled us with rain. We looked like drowned rats, or just silly tourists, but enjoyed the mystery and beauty of the ruins. I think the Mayan god of rain was sending us a message, because as soon as we got to Xel-Ha, the skies cleared up, and we had a beautiful afternoon snorkeling, exploring the jungle paths and simply being together. I wanted to cliff dive, but they wouldn't let me- because of my neck injury. Aaron did it though, and I got a pic or two, but the photographers got a great shot. We bought the overpriced 5x7 and another of the two of us with parrots on our arms.

The weekend was kind of a blur. We did some shopping; Aaron bought me my first thong bikini, and sarong. He has always talked about 'when we go to Mexico, you have to wear a thong.' And to placate him, I always said, 'sure.' But he wasn't fucking around, and I thought, 'I'm only young once, I'm as skinny as I'll ever be... Why the hell not? We're in Mexico.' By the end of the trip I was out topless... I guess I'm just a slight exhibitionist at heart.

Going out and checking out the flea markets and clubs was a trip in itself. Everywhere we walked, the locals were either yelling at us to come and check out their merchandise, or coming up to us in thick accents, and murming,

"Weed. Blow. Exstacy. You need somethin' for your party, my friend?" I can't count how many times we were approached to buy drugs. I guess there is a market for it, or they wouldn't be out there in droves. People they cater to I would imagine, come down to get drunk, get high, get laid and get some sun... There were so many young people, and though I may come out sounding like an snotty woman, I simply can't stay silent about the behavior I observed by 18 year olds and even middle aged Americans.

It's really no wonder the world has the view of us that they do. I can't refer to the US as 'they' anymore, I am a permanent resident with a social security number and taxes to pay. But growing up in Canada, I had always heard that Americans were looked upon rather negatively by many countries. A teacher told me that if I ever backpacked through Europe and made it to France, to stitch a Canadian flag on my bag- because I would be treated significantly better.

Americans are just plain rude. There, I said it. People don't say excuse me, please, or thank you. They don't apologize if they bump into you. They feel like they have to be the center of attention and yell ignorantly at the top of their lungs. They often travel in groups, all of them talking over each other, not watching where they are going or who may be listening. I was really sickened and saddened by what I observed primarily, by my fellow americans. Ok, there's my rant. I vow to always keep my manners, and treat people with respect. ( Oh, and never give up my Canadian citizenship)

I could ramble on forever about my trip. I am dying to get back to scrapbooking (I've become obsessed and have so much fun with it- Thanks, Christi!) but I have to wait a few days before getting back to it. In the meantime, I plan on getting way more pics downloaded and in an album.

And to my dear friend C, I have been thinking of you constantly. Hope to talk to you soon.

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Senorita Alli





Ola! We are in sunny Cancun, and feel as if we have been dropped into the lap of tropical luxury... We have seen the Mayan ruins and snorkeled in Xel-Ha. Drinking margaritas by the pool, complete with games and an eclectic mix of music. It feels like paradise.

I felt pretty good, physically, for the first few days... But after a long excursion and some emotional stress, I've been fighting to keep my pain at bay since yesterday.

All in all, I'm enjoying myself immensely, and can't wait to post pics and describe in more vivid detail, the beauty of Mexico...

I am blessed.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Bad Day...

I'm not in such a good head space today. I'm hurting, irritable and uneasy.

My kitten started off the day with a bang. She has a thing for toilet paper, and I guess wanted a snack underneath the bed. I heard this weird smacking noise and grabbed her out from underneath the headboard. She was foaming at the mouth! After a few frantic phone calls to the vet and lots of water and milk, Ripley seems to be fine. Little shit is back to looking for trouble, as always.

Nothing has happened since, but I just feel down. I wish I could put my finger on one specific thing that is bothering me, but it's a culmination of things. I hate days like these, because I'm not very good at pulling out of them. Not having a big support system, and not wanting to bother the few close to me, I try and keep everything internalized. Never a good idea, because at some point, it all comes flooding out- usually at the worst possible time.

These are the days when I crank the music as loud as I can handle it, so that I don't have to hear my thoughts echoing in my head...

"Crazy" by Gnarles Barkley and "I Write Sins Not Tragedies" by Panic! at the Disco seem to be doing the trick for now.